No one knows how i feel. They think if they talk to me they’ll get through to me somehow. I love my life, family, and friends, but there’s something missing. Something that i’ve never had, something that wont escape my mind. It eats away at me yntil i break and then im left to get back up. I know God has a plan for me, but if that plan means waiting for the one thing i want the most out of anything in this world… *sigh* It makes me doubt. There’s so much pain that goes along with this want, i cry. It also makes me wonder what could have been if i would’ve done that or would’ve done this. i ach, with pity for myself. Then selfishness hits me, and the want slowly fades until i see him again another day.

i feel trapped. cold. slowly trying less and less. i smile but its fake. i laugh but its not real. nobody can tell… that im slowly loosing my way. more and more crap piles up in my head because i dont know what to do with it. i cry to let it out but its still there. the blame, the hate, the hurt. all because i have no self esteam. they say they know what i feel or how i feel. they dont know anything about how i feel or what ive been through. they just see what they want to. the look at me and turn their heads. they dont bother to look for the girl who’s there underneath all the ugly. becaus ehtey dont want to and if they did… they would at least try to see past everything that i hate. they dont though and they wont.